clarity

I feel as though my future is so unclear. In high school, I had dreams of being a pharmacist. A year later, I hurt my leg in gymnastics, where I quickly grew a passion for physical therapy, and soon that became my career goal. Going into college, I still had the idea of physical therapy, and therefore, chose biology as my major. Science and math have always been my stronger subjects, and I've already seen the Lord reassure me that I am in the right major.

Second semester of freshman year and first semester of sophomore year, thoughts of going on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ consumed my head. Then I thought of teaching third world countries about sustainability (clean water, prevention of AIDS, etc), or going to seminary, or STINT (short-term missions with CCC).

Yeah I know, I'm all over the map. And just this past week God has been putting physical therapy in my heart again. Or using my major for some medical career. So confusing, and so unclear. So many possibilities, and so many people asking what I want to do with my life. I don't know.

But at the same time, I do know. I want to live a life where I have a passion to know God above all things (John 17:3). I want a desire to see Christ celebrated where I live. I want my life to be an unmistakeable source of grace and hope to those around me. I want a willingness to share the gospel to all people - to go anywhere, at any time, at any cost, to do anything to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ. My purpose here is to bring glory to God, and if I set my eyes on Him, he will lay out the path he wants me to walk upon. I may not know what I'm going to do when I graduate, but I do know that I should not have any fear of what the future holds because I have a Savior who has every single detail mapped out for me. And if I wander off the path, His grace will lead me back.

So, here's to not knowing my future. Here's to complete clarity in Christ.

yes!

I'm finally done with exams! I think that if I ever look at Organic II Chemistry again, I will explode. Minus a little 5 1/2 hour sleep break, I was looking at chemistry for a total of 24 hours. DANG. That is ridiculous!

Now off to Christmas break :) Wisdom teeth removal tomorrow - can't wait to have chubby chipmunk cheeks. Pray everything goes well!

The Joy of Confessed Sin

This is how I feel at the moment:

Psalm 32

Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven,

whose sins are covered.

Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him

and in whose spirit is no deceit.

When I kept in silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.

For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;

my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.

Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.

I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord" - and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Isn't that amazing? God forgives the guilt of our sin! Romans 6:6 says that for those who believe, we know that our old self was crucified with Jesus Christ so that our body of sin might be done away with - we are no longer slaves to sin. Hallelujah!

The joy and freedom you feel after confessing built up sin is unlike anything else. God already knows our sin even before we do it, but our pride gets in the way of confession. We are prideful, so we want to hide away from the fact that God loathes sin. But when we finally humble ourselves enough to confess our sin to our Lord and whoever we sinned against, God holds out His hand for us to reach out and grab. He always takes us back.

Praise the Lord.

the finish line.

13.1.

That number has been echoing in my head for the past two and a half weeks. For about a year now, I have always thought about running a half-marathon eventually in my life.

Last winter, as I was casually training with my brother, we both realized we were super busy, and it wasn't going to happen at that time. Then summer rolled around, allowing me to consider that maybe I would give this race a second-thought. I was doing good, running was becoming more enjoyable, and I started looking up schedules to follow.

Act 1, scene 1. The pain. It started slowly in my ankle, only hurting after a long run. A few days later, it got a little worse. Then the next day it worsened. It hurt to walk. Something was obviously wrong and had been building up for a while, but I was ignoring the problem, trying to push through the pain.

Act 1, scene 2. The doctor's office. Confirmed: stress fracture. Boot: 6 weeks. Running: nope. I was limited to swimming and the elipitical machine, which didn't really allow me to continue training.

Act 1, scene 3. Freedom. Finally, the boot came off, and the air cast came on. I was allowed to slowly work my way up to running again, and the doctor approved my half-marathon training for the future. A few strengthening exercises with the good old theraband, and I was good to go.

Intermission.

Act 2, scene 1. After rationalizing it for so long, I finally decided that I'm going to do it. I was all talk, no action. The best time to run is in the fall and winter, so why not train for a half-marathon now? Soon after thinking about it, I asked some of my friends if they wanted to do it with me, because running with someone and having a friend there to push and encourage you is worthwhile. Praise the Lord for Katie Nehm. Love her.

Act 2, scene 2. Here we are. Week two and a half of training (kind of). I know it's not going to be easy. But I also know that God gave Katie and I the same desire to run this half-marathon for a reason. Through this whole training process, Katie and I have developed a friendship completely centered around God and our new hobby: running at sketch times in not so good weather. I've realized that the way we have encouraged each other to finish the last mile strong and the way we have shared our enthusiasm about the race can easily be used for God's glory. We started praying before we run together, asking that the Lord would give us strength, thanking him for the opportunity to be physically active, but most importantly, asking that God would use this run to glorify Himself. Our spirit-filled conversation and just the way that we get to pour into each other has been a growing experience in and of itself.

Not to mention, we are turning into running fanatics. The idea of getting up at 6:00 am to run four miles before church now excites us. The thought of new running shoes and trying electrolyte gel packs for the first time makes our hearts beat fast. But this might be the greatest: the image of us running through the finish line after working so hard to conquer the big 13.1. It can be done, and it will be done.

i promise.

I promise that I will blog soon after my physics test.

too religious.

Lately I've felt really convicted that I have been "too religious".

Let me start off by saying, my schedule is ridiculous. In between my 16 hours of classes, I have to set aside time for meals, homework, working out, meeting with Ashley (my co-leader), University Relations team meetings, getting discipled by Jenique, discipling a girl in my Bible Study, Crusade, the Bible study I'm in, the Bible study I lead, tutoring for Organic Chemistry II, and office hours for physics, because I need all the help I can get in that class. Oh yeah, and friends slash social life?

With all of that, there is little free time. And the free time I do get, there are awesome opportunities to go to things like Raleigh Worship on Tuesdays, prayer and communion in the Brickyard on Tuesday nights, and prayer meetings on Monday afternoons. I love all of these things, and I think they are great ministries that the Lord is boldly using around our campus. We have seen people just stop by and ask what we're doing in the brickyard, we've seen students be blessed by how God is using our prayers. God is working through us and a revival is beginning at State, and it is nothing less than incredible.

But here is the problem. I am the type of person that cannot say "no" to things. When people ask me to head up a project or help them out in starting an organization on campus, my immediate thought-process is, "they are going to think I'm not dedicated about this, so I have to help them out". A lot of times I find myself getting into things without even praying about them first. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that leading a Bible Study or servant team was something I didn't pray about (because I did), but other little things throughout the week that come up I tend to commit myself to before really sitting down and looking at if it's possible to work it in with my schedule.

That's why, on Tuesday night, I skipped prayer and communion.

I realized that I need to really look at my schedule and prioritize my time. I had spent all this time doing "things" for God, but had forgotten to be still before the Lord. On Tuesday night, that is what I did, and it was so great. It is so easy for me to get caught up in the busyness of life, forget to take the Sabbath, and constantly make "to-do lists" with "things" I need to check off once I'm done. I need to take time to smell the roses. As cliche as it sounds, I was forgetting to do that. But more importantly, and more dangerously, I was forgetting to take time and sit in wonder of my amazing Savior.

I know that God is not going to put more on my plate than I can handle. But that doesn't mean that every opportunity I get to do something else in Crusade or other ministries is one that I should take.

Prayer Box

This concept may sound cheesy, especially to boys.

Thanks to Kelly and Zoey, I recently made a prayer box. Aka: a shoebox decorated with cute paint colors. When anyone gives me prayer requests, I write it out on a little sticky note with the date, fold it up, and put it in the box. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I get up real early and just spend time before the Lord lifting up these prayer requests to Him. Some of them seem minute, but some of them are huge (my friend's salvation). I know it's going to take time, however long the Lord has planned, but I truly believe that if I am before the Lord and my heart is burdened for their salvation, He will instill in my friend a desire to yearn for God. I've already seen one prayer request answered - praise the Lord! After a prayer request is answered, I put a big check mark on the sticky note with the date it was answered, and then set it aside to look at and constantly be reminded of God's faithfulness and provision.

The cool thing about this is that I get so excited to pray now. It's not the fact that the box is real cute, even though it is, but the fact that I can visibly see that the Lord does work and the power of prayer is incredible. I'm so excited to see the Lord answer some of the "far-fetched" requests and to better understand trusting in His timing and His answers.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 - pray without ceasing.