Prayer Nugget

For the past ten minutes, I've been debating with myself about whether or not to post this blog.

I want to share with you the closest thing to my heart.

A little "nugget" of a conversation I had with the Lord.

So, here it goes..

Dear Lord,

You are near! Thank you that Jesus, in your very nature, did not consider equality with You something to be grasped...but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. Lord I praise you that it is because of Jesus Christ that I can sit hear right now and talk with you. That is the amazing idea of grace - I did nothing to deserve salvation but yet you love me. You chose me. Crazy! That is the reason of why I want my life to look like this:

Philippians 4:4-7 - "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near :). Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding (that's intense!) will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Oh I just love my prayer journal. I love looking back and seeing how God has answered prayer, even in the smallest ways. I love looking at how much He has taught me since I first started journaling freshman year. I love the intimate journey that He has called me to be a part of.

waiting

God's timing is better than mine.

And He is really trying to teach me that. One of the fruits of the Spirit is patience, and there are so many situations in my life right now where I need to be patient before the Lord and wait on Him. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have this "plan" of how things are going to work and when everything is going to happen, and if I see an opportunity for a solution I want to seize it right away. But with patience comes the fact that we are not in control of those "plans" and we're in the passenger seat, not the driver's seat.

Psalm 27.14

clarity

I feel as though my future is so unclear. In high school, I had dreams of being a pharmacist. A year later, I hurt my leg in gymnastics, where I quickly grew a passion for physical therapy, and soon that became my career goal. Going into college, I still had the idea of physical therapy, and therefore, chose biology as my major. Science and math have always been my stronger subjects, and I've already seen the Lord reassure me that I am in the right major.

Second semester of freshman year and first semester of sophomore year, thoughts of going on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ consumed my head. Then I thought of teaching third world countries about sustainability (clean water, prevention of AIDS, etc), or going to seminary, or STINT (short-term missions with CCC).

Yeah I know, I'm all over the map. And just this past week God has been putting physical therapy in my heart again. Or using my major for some medical career. So confusing, and so unclear. So many possibilities, and so many people asking what I want to do with my life. I don't know.

But at the same time, I do know. I want to live a life where I have a passion to know God above all things (John 17:3). I want a desire to see Christ celebrated where I live. I want my life to be an unmistakeable source of grace and hope to those around me. I want a willingness to share the gospel to all people - to go anywhere, at any time, at any cost, to do anything to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ. My purpose here is to bring glory to God, and if I set my eyes on Him, he will lay out the path he wants me to walk upon. I may not know what I'm going to do when I graduate, but I do know that I should not have any fear of what the future holds because I have a Savior who has every single detail mapped out for me. And if I wander off the path, His grace will lead me back.

So, here's to not knowing my future. Here's to complete clarity in Christ.

The Joy of Confessed Sin

This is how I feel at the moment:

Psalm 32

Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven,

whose sins are covered.

Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him

and in whose spirit is no deceit.

When I kept in silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.

For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;

my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.

Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.

I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord" - and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Isn't that amazing? God forgives the guilt of our sin! Romans 6:6 says that for those who believe, we know that our old self was crucified with Jesus Christ so that our body of sin might be done away with - we are no longer slaves to sin. Hallelujah!

The joy and freedom you feel after confessing built up sin is unlike anything else. God already knows our sin even before we do it, but our pride gets in the way of confession. We are prideful, so we want to hide away from the fact that God loathes sin. But when we finally humble ourselves enough to confess our sin to our Lord and whoever we sinned against, God holds out His hand for us to reach out and grab. He always takes us back.

Praise the Lord.

too religious.

Lately I've felt really convicted that I have been "too religious".

Let me start off by saying, my schedule is ridiculous. In between my 16 hours of classes, I have to set aside time for meals, homework, working out, meeting with Ashley (my co-leader), University Relations team meetings, getting discipled by Jenique, discipling a girl in my Bible Study, Crusade, the Bible study I'm in, the Bible study I lead, tutoring for Organic Chemistry II, and office hours for physics, because I need all the help I can get in that class. Oh yeah, and friends slash social life?

With all of that, there is little free time. And the free time I do get, there are awesome opportunities to go to things like Raleigh Worship on Tuesdays, prayer and communion in the Brickyard on Tuesday nights, and prayer meetings on Monday afternoons. I love all of these things, and I think they are great ministries that the Lord is boldly using around our campus. We have seen people just stop by and ask what we're doing in the brickyard, we've seen students be blessed by how God is using our prayers. God is working through us and a revival is beginning at State, and it is nothing less than incredible.

But here is the problem. I am the type of person that cannot say "no" to things. When people ask me to head up a project or help them out in starting an organization on campus, my immediate thought-process is, "they are going to think I'm not dedicated about this, so I have to help them out". A lot of times I find myself getting into things without even praying about them first. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that leading a Bible Study or servant team was something I didn't pray about (because I did), but other little things throughout the week that come up I tend to commit myself to before really sitting down and looking at if it's possible to work it in with my schedule.

That's why, on Tuesday night, I skipped prayer and communion.

I realized that I need to really look at my schedule and prioritize my time. I had spent all this time doing "things" for God, but had forgotten to be still before the Lord. On Tuesday night, that is what I did, and it was so great. It is so easy for me to get caught up in the busyness of life, forget to take the Sabbath, and constantly make "to-do lists" with "things" I need to check off once I'm done. I need to take time to smell the roses. As cliche as it sounds, I was forgetting to do that. But more importantly, and more dangerously, I was forgetting to take time and sit in wonder of my amazing Savior.

I know that God is not going to put more on my plate than I can handle. But that doesn't mean that every opportunity I get to do something else in Crusade or other ministries is one that I should take.

Prayer Box

This concept may sound cheesy, especially to boys.

Thanks to Kelly and Zoey, I recently made a prayer box. Aka: a shoebox decorated with cute paint colors. When anyone gives me prayer requests, I write it out on a little sticky note with the date, fold it up, and put it in the box. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I get up real early and just spend time before the Lord lifting up these prayer requests to Him. Some of them seem minute, but some of them are huge (my friend's salvation). I know it's going to take time, however long the Lord has planned, but I truly believe that if I am before the Lord and my heart is burdened for their salvation, He will instill in my friend a desire to yearn for God. I've already seen one prayer request answered - praise the Lord! After a prayer request is answered, I put a big check mark on the sticky note with the date it was answered, and then set it aside to look at and constantly be reminded of God's faithfulness and provision.

The cool thing about this is that I get so excited to pray now. It's not the fact that the box is real cute, even though it is, but the fact that I can visibly see that the Lord does work and the power of prayer is incredible. I'm so excited to see the Lord answer some of the "far-fetched" requests and to better understand trusting in His timing and His answers.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 - pray without ceasing.

go vertical.

In bible study last week, we talked a little about horizontal vs. vertical relationships.  Horizontal relationships - meaning your relationships on earth.  Vertical relationships - meaning your relationship with God.  As humans, our sinful nature draws us to think that our horizontal relationships are the only thing that matters.  We forget that it was God who granted us those relationships, and if we trust in Him and focus our relationship in a vertical direction, then everything horizontally will fall into place.  It kind of goes along with only depending on the Lord, and no one else.

P.s.: something crazy.  We talked about horizontal/vertical relationships on Monday in Bible study.  Then on Wednesday, Ashley and I led a Bible study where we talked about fulfillment in Christ alone (based on John 7).  Throughout the whole week I had been struggling about focusing my life on Christ - and it is crazy to think that the Lord has shown me to turn to Him and depend on Him so many times this week through those two Bible studies.  I'm realizing that a lot of the things that we're going over in the Bible study I'm leading with Ashley are basic, but they apply just as much to me as they do to someone who has never heard the gospel before.

So, go vertical.

Peace.  And Blessings.

I'm so small.

Have you ever encountered an experience where you are praying and then all of the sudden, in the midst of your prayer, you feel super super tiny?  That's how I feel sometimes.  I think it just proves that God is so great and so much bigger than us.  We are so small and insignificant compared to Him.

I love being small.

My God is a creator, not a duplicator.

So today I was listening to Francis Chan's podcast.  He briefly touched on change, but it really hit hard for me.

Change is biblical.  "He creates all things new."  I think so many times we are afraid of change, but think about it.  I don't want the same experience in my quiet time today as I had yesterday.  I want it to be even better and I want to feel even more intimate with my Lord.  God didn't save me so that I could be the same.  He saved me so that I could be born again.  He wanted me to change.  

God, you are not a duplicator.  You are a creator.  So everyday create something new in me.  Thank you that your mercies are new every morning.  Let me worship you and experience you like I never have before.

This is more important than my nutrition test tomorrow.

My 7:30 alarm clock will most likely be a rude awakening to my somewhat procrastination.  Oh well.

Psalm 91:4 - He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

I just want to take a moment and focus on the first part of this verse.  Especially, "and under his wings you will find refuge."  So many times in my life I have looked for refuge in other places, whether it be friends, music, boys, family, school, etc.  I think you can even go as far to say that often times we look for refuge in church.  People come to church broken and bruised, expecting to be filled with encouragement from fellow believers.  Don't get me wrong, the body of Christ is meant for fellowship and encouragement, but instead of running to earthly things for help, why do we find it so hard to run to God?  He is the one who provides faithfulness that "will be your shield and rampart."  

This is something that has been on my mind a lot lately.  Our loving God wants us to look to Him through all circumstances.  He is our foundation.  He loves us more than we can even imagine and understands and relates to our circumstances more than anyone here on earth is able to.  So the next time I go through a hard time, instead of venting to my friend or the nearest person I can find, I am going to look to God and accept the gift of His open arms.  After all, He is head over heels in love with us.  Why wouldn't I accept that offer?